Every relationship starts out great, this is known as the “Honeymoon Phase” to many people, and there is nothing that will ever change how you feel about the man you are with; that is until you see the Red Flags. Red flags are the warning signs, if you will, to let you know that this may not be the right person for you and that you may be getting into something you really should not be a part of. Unfortunately, there are some women who will knowingly ignore the red flags and continue on as if everything is just fine when really they should be taking off the rose colored glasses and seeing things for what they really are.
What are Red Flags in a Relationship?
Red flags can be any number of things; from being much more than just a “social drinker” to still being married even though he says he is not. There are so many things that individually may not be something to be concerned with but collectively, they are enough to tell you when there is much to be concerned with.
Red flags are not necessarily bad but rather something that should be taken seriously if you should decide to continue on with the relationship at all. If you see any red flags that are too much to even comprehend, chances are it is time to consider ending the relationship altogether.
Red Flags: What Should you Be Looking for?
There are many different red flags to look for; some may be more concerning then others but the same each one should be seen for what they are. From very early on in any relationship, you should always keep your eyes wide open and not get lost in the idea of being in relationship.
The Emotional Red Flags
There are several things to look for under this Red Flag. From the Out of Control Anger to his Possessive Nature , no stone must ever be left unturned; you can be sure there is a red flag waiting to be found or pop up somewhere when you least expect it to.
When it comes to anger we have all felt it and know the feeling of anger, this is something that is a part of human nature. However what is not a part of human nature is Frozen Anger Resentment. This is moment where a person who experiences anger but rather than address it, they repress it and hold on to it and with that comes some really ugly things that is not ok. With underlying anger, there is fear and hurt that a person has not dealt with. As a result of this, you may be the one who gets the blunt end of this anger; often abusive nature will grow out of this planted anger. If your significant other has issues with controlling and expressing his anger, it may be time to jump ship and move on.
There are several people in the world who believe that everything must be just so otherwise, they want nothing to do with it; this includes you, your habits, and behaviors. If your guy is expecting you to do this or that because that is how he wants it, there is something very wrong with the picture. Ask yourself these questions…”How much of your friend’s life revolves around himself and what he wants?” “Does he have a very narrow way of thinking and is there only a thin layer of your behaviors that are acceptable to his way of thinking?” “Do his needs to get what he wants come first no matter what, even when it inconveniences others?” As a relationship continues, it is easy to think that we could easy live happily looking out for his interests vs. looking out for both parties’ interests. If this has not worn thin on your nerves now, it is assured that it will after saying, “I do.” In this situation, you want to look for a balance of how things work out. If both needs are met, you are as good as gold but if not, it may be time to reconsider even being friends with this person.
- Playing the Victim
Trust plays a big role in all relationships but when one person struggles with distrust it is only a matter of time before one becomes only one step away from playing the role of the victim. We can split hairs and call it various names but they are the same thing and it is just a waste of time to think of it as anything else; this is due in part to the common thread that connects these things and that is a person’s difficulty in resolving pain and moving forward. Other people and issues are found to be the cause of their problems when in reality it is them that has decided to hold on and play the victim and use each situation to their advantage; and thus begins the endless Life is a series of whirlwinds that just don’t seem to end. Other people or circumstances are perceived as the cause of game of the Blame Game and who can it be placed on next.
As the person on the receiving end of this victimization, it becomes easy to think we can save the victim and through this act we will be able to express out undying love but do not be fooled, this is only a trap that is being laid out for us to fall into.
The Character Red Flags
Maybe you are not dealing with the Emotional Red Flags, maybe it is more of the Character of your significant other; these are known as Character Red Flags.
There are all sorts of ways for a person to have issues of control. However, the form it can take in a relationship is something completely different and something that no one should just accept. If your significant other can manipulate or has manipulated you the following ways: guilt-inducement, threats of abandoning you, threats of self-harm, yelling, physical aggression, isolating you, pouting, interrogating you, or more it is more than time to leave and get out of the relationship. While you may be told that this is happening but he really loves you, you have to know deep down this is not the truth. Should you see any glimpses of these controlling actions and you are considering marriage to this person; it is a safe bet to say they will only increase after marriage.
- Issues with Addiction
When we want any relationship to work it is easy for use to explain away the red flags that others see that we see but wish not to address. However, such red flags that deal with additions must not be overlooked. From chemical dependency, sexual addictions, and food addictions to addictions that are yet to be revealed they will gnaw at the very fabric of your relationship and potential marriage. It is very likely that if you see the problem now, it will more than likely intensify. Getting your significant other the help they need is best if you want the relationship to work out but be aware that there is no guarantee this help with help your relationship in the end.
- Unable to Apologize
No matter how perfect you think a person is, fact remains everyone will mess up at some point or another in their life. However, that does not mean that this is an excuse to continue with such behaviors or not being able to say, “I’m sorry”. Let us look at it this way, does your love admit when he is wrong? Or does he even acknowledge his mistakes? If the answers are no, chances are you are have a bit of an issue that needs to be addressed. No one wants to admit when they are wrong but if we can deal with it, it can go a long way in establishing a healthy relationship and ultimately the marriage.
In any relationship, you do not want to actively look for the faults and flaws that one has but at the same time you do not want ignore those that do come up and you can clearly see. It does not mean you cannot have a relationship with that person, it just means you have your feet firmly planted in reality and will not be fooled into staying in an unhealthy state in and out of a relationship.